Magic Malfunction
by xLaurenGoesRawrx
Summary: After casting a bad curse Draco Malfoy switched places with Hermione Granger. He now lives her life and she lives his. Pureblood switched with Mudblood. How are they going to deal with all the changes and differences. Boy vs. Girl. A chance to see the life of their enemy. Magic Malfunction. Reviews are definitely appreciated:]
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns all the Harry Potter characters stated in the story.**_

_**Time Period: Forth Book after The Prisoner of Azkaban**_

_**Setting: Hogwarts**_

* * *

**Hermione Granger:**

I can't believe my luck. My life is perfect. I'm top in all of my classes, I have the best friends anyone could wish for, and to top it off my parents support my wizarding education fully. I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, it hurts when that foul git Malfoy calls me a Mudblood but so what I would rather be that then a Pureblood.

Now that I think about it, there is one thing I would change if I could. I would get Draco to stop being such a bloody knob head. His constant berating of my friends and me is getting on my last nerve. I just wish the daft cow would sod off and find other ways to find enjoyment. He could try working his useless body harder so that he could actually catch the snitch for once and stop embarrassing his team. I bet he's just jelly under his clothes, no muscle. Not to mention his need to study more so he could try to catch up academically to me. All he seems to care about is shagging his latest mate and acting like a plonker.

Anyways I'm tired of thinking about that good-for-nothing wanker. Bloody hell where are Harry and Ron? Harry is always acting dodgy and Ron is such a skive. If he wasn't so fit there is no way I would be able to handle having him as a friend.

"Hermione!" I hear someone call my name and turn around.

"Harry!" I call back to my best friend.

"Are you excited for the Tri-Wizard Tournament?" Harry asks me as he walks closer.

Dumbledore had just explained to us that the Tri-Wizard Tournament was to be occurring at our school this year.

"Absobloodylootely Harry I'm just nervous about Fred and George who are looking for a way to slip there names into the Goblet of Fire." I replied filling him in on the secret I had heard the twins talking about earlier.

"That's rubbish. They know there's no way around Dumbledore's charms." Harry retorted with a laugh.

"I'm just saying, someone should stop them before they get themselves hurt." I explained knowing the Weasley twins were crazy and rarely took advise from others.

"Well I'll see you later 'mione." he called with a wave as he walked away, "and by the way, Ron's looking for you." He laughed as he walked away, a blush creeping up my cheeks.

Ron's looking for me? Perhaps he wants to ask me to the Yule Ball! Quickly I vacated the area I was currently residing in and searched for my ginger crush. He has to be around her somewhere. As I searched for Ron I saw Ginny sitting on an outside bench, while Blaise Zabini walked behind her looking very dodgy. Why did he have scissors? As I walked closer to my red haired friend I asked her where her cock-up of a brother was. Not only did she not know but she hadn't seen him all day!

Not only are lights-out nearing, but I still have a few potions chapters to finish before bed. Silently retreating to the Gryffindor common room, I admitted defeat when that wanker didn't show after an hour. Slowly crawling up the stairs in hopes that he would return in time I slipped into my bedroom and laid down in my bed. What a useless day and what a waste of time Ron is. Tomorrow I am going to yell at that bugger for disappearing.

That bugger Ron.

That bugge-

That-

Zzzzzzz

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**Draco Malfoy:**

I'm used to getting what I want. Only child born into the most prestigious Pureblood family, everything comes easy to me. At least that's what I thought until I met Potter, Weasley, and Granger.

The Golden Three are everywhere. Potter constantly beats me in Quidditch, Granger in academics, and Weasley in life. Yes in life! His family always seems so happy and loving. I can't even remember the last time my father told me that he loved me. Not that I would admit that to the bloody wanker. My failures result in severe punishments and my inability to succeed extend my father's distance. I'm just so sick of their games. I can't stand their calm demeanor and innocent faces. I constantly have to stop myself from _Avada_(ing) them all! How long I have searched for a cure, a way to rid the wizarding world of their unnecessary life forms. Now after many tireless months I have found the fix, the way to get rid of them all.

'Pereo' that simple word is going to ensure my success, but which one to curse first? Definitely Granger. That smug face and know-it-all personality, not to mention her being a Mudblood. Yes, perfect little Hermione, tonight when everyone is in bed I'm going to sneak into the Gryffindor quarters and get rid of her useless person.

Now, how to sneak into the Gryffindor common room? Polyjuice Potion seems like the only option. I know their common room password 'nostri abscóndito' because that arse Weasley practically screamed it when I was walking by yesterday. Steal some Polyjuice Potion from my godfather and everything was ready. All I need is a Gryffindor's hair. But how am I going to manage that? Hmm, Blaise Zabini seems like the perfect person. His weird obsession with the younger weasel might just help me after all.

After I successfully snatched the potion I crept into his Blaise's room.

"Blaise you awake?" I questioned will kicking his bed.

"Well now I am you arse." he retorted obviously unhappy.

"I need some of Ginny's hair, and don't lie to me I know that you have some you perverted creep." I stated while letting out a low chuckle. Blaise's obsession with Ginny had gotten outta hand when he remembered that she was a pureblood, a low-class one, but a pureblood none the less. Any other blood status would not suffice his father.

"Even if I did I wouldn't give it to you, you prick." Blaise replied his face flushed in embarrassment.

"Blaise I will curse your entire family and not to mention that little minx if you don't give it to me this instant!" I whispered loudly. "And I will cut your balls off."

Blaise stood up with a heavy sigh from his bed and bent down to his dresser. "Tell anyone I have this and I will deny it." Digging under piles of socks and underwear he pulled out a small bag filled with shocking red hair. "Only one piece Draco."

"That's all I need." I smiled as I pulled one of the strands of hair out. "By the way, how do you even get this you tosser?"

Silently exiting the room and climbing the stairs to the boy's restroom, I quickly shoved the hair into the small flask. After waiting the prescribed five minutes I rapidly gulped the bloody solution down. Slowly I could see the changes the hair, the face, the eyes, and last the chest.

"Hmm, let's see what little weasels hiding." I smirked while I slipped off my attire. "Not bad," I laughed thinking about how mad Blaise would be. "Actually I'm sort of surprised."

After returning my clothing to its original state I slipped out of the bathroom and out of the common room. After climbing the multiple stairs and finding myself outside of the Gryffindor common room I stared at the picture. What an ugly picture and what an idiotic way to enter a room. What were the words again? Oh right-

"Nostri-" I began in my low voice. Oh arse! Letting out a quiet cough, "Abscóndito" I finished in a high pitched girly voice.

The door stayed closed for a second and then slowly opened. I entered the room smugly, congratulating myself along the way. I Draco Malfoy have successfully snuck my way into the all mighty Gryffindor common room. If only my father could see my now. Slowly slithering up the stairs and through the door labeled 'Ladies' I found myself at the foot of Hermione Grangers bed. Bloody Mudblood. 'It's now or never' I thought as I slipped my wand out of my robes. 'She actually looks pretty peacefully like this. There's time for a goodbye kiss.' I slowly leaned forward and kissed her filthy Mudblood lips. Surprisingly soft and plumb I pulled back and uttered, "Goodbye."

"Pereo!" I whispered with a flick of my wand. Soon Granger would disappear from her bed, and out of my life. I'm happy but how come I feel so guilty? I know this is the right thing to do. I'm so tired of my greatness being overlooked. Oh well, it's Granger anyways.

Quickly exiting the room I rushed out of the door and back down the stairs as the Polyjuice Potion wore off. I settled in my bed pulling the covers over my tired body. Tomorrow Ron Weasley and the next day Harry Potter. As I closed my eyes pleasant thoughts filled my head.

'A world without those tossers.'

The Golden Trio would be gone soon enough.

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**N****ostri**** A****bscóndito****- Latin for 'our secret place' not in Harry Potter but used to help this fanfic**

**Pereo- Latin for perish, die, disappear, vanish, be lost, go by not in Harry Potter but used to help this fanfic**

**Tosser – Idiot**

**Wanker – Idiot**

**Sod Off – Piss off**

**Dodgy – Suspicious**

**Skive – Lazy or avoid doing something**

**Bugger – Jerk**

**Absobloodylootely – YES!**

** Brilliant! – Great!**

** Fit – Hot**

**Arse – Ass**

**Shag – Screw**

**Cock-up – Screw up**

**Daft Cow – Idiot**

**Knob Head – Idiot/Dickhead**

**Plonker – Idiot**

**Rubbish – Garbage or 'That's crap!'**

**Thank you for reading:] Please tell me changes you suggest or ways to better this fanfic.**

**-Lauren**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns all the Harry Potter characters stated in the story.**_

_**Time Period: Forth Book after The Prisoner of Azkaban**_

_**Setting: Hogwarts**_

* * *

**Hermione Granger:**

I let out a loud yawn. Ah, finally a good nights rest. With all the studying I've been doing to stay ahead of Draco there hasn't been time to rest my eyes correctly.

'What a nice day,' I think as I open my eyes remembering about how I have to find that fit friend (_soon to be boyfriend_) of mine Ron. Man he is gorgeous, that red hair and those green eyes. I really want him to be my Yule Ball date, if he could just get up the courage and ask me. I'm so sick of his Fleur Delacour obsession. I know that Viktor Krum has definitely taken a liking to me, but I just do not think that is going to work out. I am pretty sure there is nothing going on inside his brain, and the way he watches me while I study I pretty daunting.

As I look around all I see is black curtains, green robes, and a giant snake symbol. That's weird why are those things inside of the ladies Gryffindor room? What the shite is going on here?

I sit up in my silky bed and look around recognizing the drooling faces of Marcus Flint, Crabbe, and Goyle. But they are Slytherin members, not to mention guys, why am I surrounded by them, and what the bloody hell is in my pants?

No, is that, it can not be, I do not have one of those. Impossible. I look down at my black boxers barely covering the pale white legs sticking out of them. I've learned about this is my anatomy book, but this can not be right. Also, why are my hands so pale and smooth? At the moment all I can think about is how to get this _thing_ to go away! I'm not a guy, this can not be happening to me, but shite it looks like I'm going to have to deal with it. It hurts like hell! Slowly sticking my pale hand inside of my boxers-

Oh hell no!

No way am I doing that.

Cold shower it is.

I slowly sit up and maneuver my way out of the silky sheets the bind me to the bed. Almost falling out of bed onto the Slytherin lounging on the floor, I step around Adrian Pucey who is drooling and sleeping on the green throw rug.

"Early morning shag Draco?" he jokes after I manage to accidently nuge his arm. Bloody hell I have ginormous feet.

"No you arse, I would never do that!" I retort with disgust, "and I'm not Draco-" I quickly run out of the room and down the stairs to the restroom hoping no one is inside, "Malfoy."

Wiping the mirror clean I catch sight of silver/gray eyes, frowning lips, and pale blond hair. What is going on? This can not be a Polyjuice experiment.

I can not possibly be Draco Malfoy!

* * *

**Draco Malfoy:**

Finally my world is at piece. No more competition. Granger's gone and all I have to worry about are her arsehole friends (_for now_), tonight Weasley will be gone. I have a feeling my godfather is going to notice his Polyjuice potion reservations depleting. Although they do not know it, they are the main reason my father does not love me. They are the reason he rarely shows his love for me. All these years fighting to deserve his attention and now it is over. Next time I see him, he will smile at me with affection.

It smells good today, the air is so warm and it smells sort of like cinnamon. 'How come it is so bright in here?' I question hearing birds chirp outside. The dungeons never have this much light at this hour of the morning or any hour at all.

I hear the snores of my obnoxious friends surrounding me. That's weird I have never heard any of them snore. Goyle talks but that is all.

My sheets are really scratchy and the need to inch myself has me dragging my nails across my back. "Ow, I'm going to have to clip these claws." I whisper feeling my skin raising around the hurt areas.

I stretch my arms and feel my joints crack in relief. Ah, what a wonderful day to be alive.

I open one eye and squint around the bright room at the Slytherin splendor, or that's what I meant to do. What is all this red and gold doing in my bedroom, and why is my hair so frizzy and lon-

Holy shite! I have long hair, but it can not possibly be my hair. Stupid Crabbe and Goyle must be playing a joke on me. This is a wig a very realistic wig, and who are all these people? I am pretty sure I did not shag any of these girls last night. Especially not Ginny Weasley. Or did I- That's it this must be a side affect of the Polyjuice potion! But then how come I don't have red hair? Something is very wrong.

I run out of the room filled with the pajama clothed Gryffindor leading ladies, and hurry up the stairs to the bathroom. I slam open the door. What the bloody hell is going on?

I skid to a stop in front of the mirror and glance up at the face staring back at me. I'm a girl? Brown eyes. Muddy, disgusting, revolting brown eyes. I grab some of the frizzy hair that covers my head and pull on it, "Ouch!"

This can not be happening. Especially not to me Draco Malfoy. I will not be this filthy Mudblood Hermione Granger.

* * *

**Draco&Hermione: **

What the bollocks is going on?

* * *

**The fun is just beginning...**

**Thank you for reading:] Please tell me changes you suggest or ways to better this fanfic.**

**-Lauren**


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